I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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