i think my mom watched the whole time
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
