She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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