just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize