I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
