I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
