..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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