i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
