he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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