I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
