He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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