how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
