Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
