R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I could fuck to npr.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
