"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
