omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize