remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
