Ambien. No doubt about it.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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