Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
