I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
