nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
