put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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