i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
