so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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