I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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