You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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