i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
