Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
