Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
