By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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