is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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