so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize