my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
