THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
