if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
