I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
