I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
