sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
