Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
