i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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