Tell her she can't have a vagina
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
