yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
