Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
