i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
