I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
