3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
