New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
