Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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