My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
