I'm going to jail i love you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Someone signed my nipple.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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