Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
