I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He passed out mid-signature
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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