I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
