Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
