I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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