Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
