Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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