Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
