Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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