I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
