Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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