LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize