I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Barsexuality is the new black.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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