Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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